We just experienced a (very) big and unexpected life expense. Our water heater went out. Ugh, the water heater. Not even a fancy appliance like a refrigerator or something that people can actually see. Not an appliance that, when updated, can make your house look better. Nope, the water heater. We called a plumber and had it replaced. The replacement water heater and the labor were expensive. Really expensive. But, we need hot water, right? As they always say, ‘it is what it is.’ (Although I am not totally sure who ‘they’ are, but I know they always say that!)

Then, I was telling someone about our water heater replacement and the outrageous cost. The response I got was not what I expected. “You paid HOW much for a water heater?” “You didn’t shop around?” “You way overpaid!” “You guys are idiots if you paid that much!”

I was pissed; not at the person saying this to me, but at ME. We are so dumb! Why didn’t we get other estimates? Why did we agree to pay so much? We got screwed! These are the thoughts that went through my mind.

So, I did what I always used to do, what I have been working so hard to stop doing: I blamed my husband!

“Why did you spend so much?” ‘Why didn’t you get other estimates?” “You got screwed!”

I felt like shit, so I turned it around and made him feel like shit.

Now I felt even shittier.

This situation was going to go one of two ways: blame and anger leading to the inevitable fight or shifting my mindset and finding the positive. The decision was up to me.

It is what it is, right? We need hot water, right? They allowed us to do a payment plan. Maybe we got screwed, maybe not (according to my husband it is a really nice water heater, whatever that means!)

So, as a person who is working hard on mindset shifting, positivity, and seeing the world through a lens of abundance instead of lack; what do you do in situations like this? Crap comes up all the time, that’s life. How do you stay positive when crappy things happen?

Unexpected expenses are going to happen. But, the reality is, even worse things are going to happen. That is part of life too. So, how do you deal with it all?

Here is the answer: gratitude. Now, I am not saying ‘stay positive all the time and never allow yourself to feel negative.” High vibes only is bullshit. Crappy things happen, and sometimes you have to allow yourself to feel those crappy things.

Here is the key: no matter what the situation, there is always something to be thankful for, always. Sometimes finding the gratitude is difficult but just like anything else, the more you practice, the easier it will become. Incorporating gratitude into your life every single day changes your brain. We are programmed to continually find the negative, the bad, or the threat. It is that whole fight or flight thing ingrained into our genes from way back to the caveman days.

But, we no longer need to be in constant fight or flight mode. There is no longer the threat of a saber-toothed tiger outside of our doors.  Our brains just haven’t gotten the message yet!

We have to practice finding gratitude in our everyday lives. Find the good, find the beauty, and find the positive. Once we train our brains into finding the positive, it becomes more natural. Easier.

There will always be negative. There will always be shitty situations, and there will always be unexpected expenses. But, if we can learn to find the positive in the small punches life throws at us, our brains will be ready to search for the positive when those bigger blows happen.

Now, I’m off to take a HOT shower!

Lisa Wyckoff is a wife, mom, teacher, avid reader, runner, lover of learning and an Integrative Transformational Life Coach. She helps women on their journey of owning their power, achieving their goals, shifting their mindset, and transforming their lives through integrative and holistic coaching focusing on the Whole Self: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. You can read more articles like this, or find out more about working with Lisa lisawyckoff.com.

Image courtesy of Lucas Lenzi.

The post The Answer to Dealing with Life’s Unexpected Blows appeared first on Positively Positive.

Someone said to me the other day.

Christina, you must have not moved on.

You are still writing about your loss.

I have to tell you my first response was to shake my head and dismiss it.

As it is such an untruth.

But soon after, I realized how unfair it is to dismiss it, especially since some people only see the blogs.

They have not read Second Firsts and Where Did You Go?

And even then, it may not be enough.

Before I begin, I must tell you that it took a decade to get here.

I hope it takes you less.

I wish I had someone to tell me what I am about to.

I don’t think its OK to suffer forever.

And it breaks my heart when people do.

It is not that I am not OK with mourning. I am.

We need to mourn.

But, there comes a time when long term grief can lead to depression, suicide and unnecessary hurt.

As you know I call that place the Waiting Room.

When we are there for what it feels like an eternity, it is not OK.

Especially since there are so many tools and resources to help us.

For me, the way out of that eternal feeling of grief came first with the understanding of how to use my brain to heal my life.

I had to make it bring me back to living.

I had to redefine what it means to be whole again.

It took me years.

I never thought it was OK for me and my kids to be in this horrible pain.

During those years I felt cold inside.

Even when I was falling in love.

It was freezing.

The freeze was there even longer than my grief.

Alongside anger, bitterness, fear, depression and confusion.

Most people think it’s grief that outlasts all of the above.

But that is not true.

So to the person who thought I was still grieving, a better statement would have been.

You still seem furious about what happened to you.

You bet I do sister.

Of course I am furious about the tragedies of my life.

And you could have also said to me, you still seem afraid about some things.

Oh yes, I have never recovered completely in regards to trauma and PTSD.

Sure, girlfriend. Yup.

And the confusion. YES.

The confusion about the seeming permanence of mortality lead me to writing Where Did You Go?

I had to find out what happened to him after he died.

I then had to find a way to understand the place he had gone to.

So I started to experiment with entering and exiting my world.

I called these experiences Temple Journeys.

I had to know first hand what science, physics, and religion were all talking about.

I spent the remaining few years taking care of both my physical and non-physical life.

And sister, I have to tell you that when you travel to the places I have been, it changes you.

Words like “Have you moved on?” and “Are you still grieving?” no longer have relevance to my life.

I am sorry sister, but I want you to really understand this place I am trying to take you.

I want you there too.

You see, love never dies.

It transcends time and space.

I had to learn how to transcend.

I had to remember my non-physical self.

I had to work on both my life here and there.

So when you ask me if I have moved on,

I giggle a little.

Move on?

From where? To where?

Darling, I have travelled across many universes.

Moved in and out of dimensions.

But I have never moved on from love.

Finding my way to a deathless life.

Where we never lose anyone.

Where everything is possible.

So, sister come along with me.

Come live a life of wonder and miracles of the seen and the unseen world.

One day you will understand that death is but a doorway to another beginning, another life, another adventure.

Yes, we must mourn.

We must grieve.

But then we must seek the truth and live as if everything is as it should be and this, this sister is one of the many adventures we get to have together.

We meet in many lives and many embraces.

Physical loss is an evolutionary experience.

One day we will all learn that love is the thread between the seen and the unseen. We only truly lose our people when we forget that. @SecondFirsts (Click to Tweet!)

With many journeys,

Christina

PS. I did an amazing interview with NPR New Dimensions Radio.

PPS. Come reenter with me at Omega. It is the only Life Reentry class I will teach this year.

Christina Rasmussen is the creator and founder of The Life Reentry Institute, Second Firsts, The Life Starters and Star Letters. Christina is on a crusade to help millions of people rebuild, reclaim, and relaunch their lives using the power of their own minds. Christina’s work has been featured on ABC News, NPR, The White House Blog, and MariaShriver.com. She is the bestselling author of Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again, which has also been translated in Chinese and German and just released  her second book Where Did You Go on expanding the mind in ways that allows co-creation with the forces of the universe. She is also writing her first work of fiction: a science fiction story about a woman on a quest to start over and begin a new life. You can find more information on her website and follow her on FB or Twitter.

Image courtesy of Cassidy Kelley.

The post Never Move on from Love appeared first on Positively Positive.

People cross their own boundaries all the time.

They say “Yes” when every cell in their body means, “No.”
Help someone else when they’re already stretched to the max.
Keep toxic people in their life because they feel a sense of duty.

Would we do the same if we had more self-respect?

No. We would not.

Self-respect gives you a core operating system: what you do, and how you engage with people meets a minimum requirement: it must respect YOUR core beliefs and wellness.

Things that don’t meet the minimum, you just don’t pursue.

That makes decisions and life overall much easier.

But where to start…? And how to get it?

We’re not taught how to build self-respect.

If I’m honest, school, family, and society trained me OUT of respecting myself. Not intentionally, but that was the outcome.

I was instructed to put other people’s desires over my own. “Be ‘nice’ Ishita.” I learned the icky feeling of NOT respecting myself: saying “Yes” when I meant, “No,” helping people I had no business helping, and keeping negative people in my life.

The world wants “nice” but turns out I don’t care for it.

Not one bit.

Just like I don’t care for Vegas.

If “Vegas” and “nice” disappeared forever, I’d be A-OK.

What I do care about is respecting myself. Being a loving, generous, effective person in the world and in my relationships.

That’s way more attractive than nice.

Respecting yourself allows you to be more loving, generous, and effective because

• When you know how to love yourself, you love others with more patience.
• When you set boundaries, you have more capacity, so you can be effective.
• When you respect your time, money, and energy, you have more of those resources to be generous with others. You give without resenting people.

Respecting yourself allows you to be more loving generous & effective because when you know how to love yourself, you love others with more patience. @ishitagupta (Click to Tweet!)

But if it’s so good, why the second part of the title, “it sucks at first?”

The dark side of self-respect is: you do hard hard things and make hard choices.

A lot.

Feels like all the time.

Setting boundaries in a family who’s never heard the word is damn near impossible. People are used to behaving a certain way for decades, now all of a sudden here you come with your boundaries draped over your shoulder!

HARD.

You choose not to drink in a group of friends where drinking is the main social activity. How do you not compromise your health while maintaining social ties?

HARD.

You say “No” to a third work project because you’re already buried & want to do a good job. You know it’ll stretch your capacity to deliver. “No, I’ve gotta take care of these first,” you say to your supervisor.

HARD.

Self-respect often means doing what makes you feel powerful and right on the INSIDE, but on the OUTSIDE it looks selfish and rigid.

To the world, setting a boundary is defensive and dangerous. You’re messing with people and systems that have done things a certain way for years. You’re already a threat when you know yourself, but when you say it out loud to others, watch out.

You’ve got new desires and it can be a lonely planet of strange looks and remarks.

• “Lighten up, it’s only one drink. We only get together once every 2 months!”
• “This project is basically an extension of the first, it’ll only take 30 minutes; can you just add it so we can have a complete finished proposal?”
• “What do you mean don’t criticize you? I never criticize you. You’re so sensitive! I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore.”

Nuanced and tricky responses, friend.

That’s why you have to temper your self-respect with a huge WHY.

Why do you want to respect yourself?

What does it mean when you do?

My own experience is when I respect myself:

I have more energy to do the work I feel called to do in the world.

More capacity to carry out my duties so I feel proud of myself at the end of the day. More compassion for the people in my life as well as the outside world.

More ability to see clearly, think critically, and write better.

I’m more AVAILABLE as a human being.

There’s MORE OF ME to be seen and be useful to the world.

Self-respect builds the foundation of all of that.

Ask yourself, “How different would my day look if I respected myself today?” “What different actions would I take right now if I acted out of self-respect?”

I hope you’ll make shooting for self-respect the ONLY game you play today.

Cheers to you.

xx Ishita

Ishita Gupta is an entrepreneur, speaker, and business breakthrough strategist. She publishes Fear.less Magazine and runs her consulting business helping people gain confidence, live without fear, and thrive as business owners. Since diving into personal development a decade ago, she’s spent the last five years helping people specifically build confidence and self-worth enough to pursue their dreams. Ishita speaks at conferences around the U.S. on entrepreneurship and leadership, including World Domination Summit,TEDx, Startup Princess, Next Generation Health, Business Growth Summit, Young Female Entrepreneurs, and more.. You can also follow Ishita on Twitter.

Image courtesy of Drop the Label Movement.

The post How to Respect Yourself & Why It Sucks at First appeared first on Positively Positive.

Do you consistently have enough energy? No?

You aren’t alone.

And while this isn’t a bulleted, 10-point-quick-fix article full of ginseng and grandiose promises, it is one neatly packed with valuable concepts to add some pep to your step. These thoughtful approaches have helped me live well, with fatigue and chronic illness for over 10 years, while earning a degree and building two thriving businesses.

Living with illness that features symptomatic fatigue often leaves me too exhausted to sit up or turn over in bed. That same exhaustion may also have me regard basic tasks with a humdrum eye, “I don’t feel up to doing that right now…maybe I’ll try later when I’m feeling better.”

The major issue with this, of course, is that in my case, I’m unlikely to ever feel completely “better.” I’ve learned to work around this.

Fatigue can be a huge, constricting issue, one that is deeply misunderstood, often stigmatized. True fatigue goes beyond “tired,” beyond something that can be “pushed through” and remedied quickly by  extra sleep. Indeed, “pushing through” true fatigue may evoke serious consequences that have longstanding, unpleasant physical effects.

Conversely, when fatigue is a regular symptom – when you wake up tired, go to sleep tired and feel tired every moment in between – it isn’t always a message to slow down.

How does one gauge where their symptoms – and resulting prime levels of activity – fall?

Tune in to the shades within the symptom. 

Really pay attention to the minutiae of characteristics of fatigue you are feeling.

Though it may seem like you are “tired all the time,” or that “it never gets any easier,” it’s likely not the case. When thinking in terms of feeling “ill” and “well” it’s easy to miss the subtle changes in our energy.

Put aside thoughts of “feeling better.” Try to get a little closer to the fatigue and its intricacies. Is it as solid and unchangeable as you first thought, or are there shades and shifts within it? How can you make these differences work for you?

I generally have more energy within the first 30 minutes after waking, so I tend to write/work then. That energy gradually wanes, and I adjust my activities and expectations accordingly, moving into meditations and hatha yoga. Knowing that I will probably feel stronger and more energetic at a specific time, I consciously save the rituals of getting washed and dressed until then.

I recognize that my lifestyle has a large effect on my energy levels. If I skip yoga, I ache and hurt more. Just one missed day may knock my productivity and wellness off for an entire week. In being mindful of these smaller details and how my body reacts, I’m far more efficient in prioritising the things I really need.

I’ve also learned to re-adjust my expectations of my body.

I think humans probably need far more rest and quiet space than our society currently fosters or believes.

Contrary to what messages we are constantly bombarded with, being constantly, unendingly busy is not a sign of efficiency or success. @Grace_Quantock (Click to Tweet!)

A while back, I found myself disappointedly looking at my to do list for the day. I hadn’t even come close to finishing it. There were so many wonderful things I wanted to accomplish and I’d fallen flat in my quest to complete them. But when I took a moment to actually do the math, it turned out, that even if I’d had all the energy in the world, it wasn’t physically possible to fit 36 hours of work (or play!) into 24 hours. It was a true turning point for me. I’m only human, after all. And you are too. You are a living, breathing being whose body has cycles of energy, just like every other living, breathing creature on the planet. Work with those cycles. Embrace them.

Places To Explore Your Energy:

• Diet: Is there anything in your diet that zaps your energy? Become a nutrition detective for a week. Take note of how you feel before and after you eat things. Ask yourself, will this fuel or drain me?
• Stress: Stress is exhausting. Holding onto our tension all the time, often without realising it, can be completely exhausting. My Tai Chi teacher, Sue Weston suggests mindfully inquiring about rest in every moment. Each time you have a moment of awareness – when you notice yourself and your body – ask yourself, is there any way I can release and rest here? Exhale. Let yourself rest in a chair. Unclench your hands. Sink into the moment.
• Sleep: If we aren’t sleeping well, our bodies cannot repair themselves, fully. Pure rest may seem like the most obvious (perhaps even boring!) wellness tool, but it is, by far, the most under-utilised.
• Awareness: Plain and simple noticing. Listening. To our bodies and souls. Reframe all of your notions and hangups about pacing and rest. Re-claim your sweet body by truly giving it an empathetic ear. Be aware of how your actions (and inactions) affect how you feel and how you have the power to give yourself the space and healing you need.

Looking for more ideas on living well with fatigue? Check out my Wellness Provocateur Vlog, How To Manage Low Energy.

Grace Quantock is an award-winning international wellness expert, coach, author, motivational speaker, certified Reiki master and spiritual response therapy practitioner. She is the founder of Healing Boxes CIC and The Phoenix Fire Academy. Currently living – and thriving – with often debilitating illness, she is the real deal and knows, firsthand, the emotional and physical roller coaster that accompanies diagnosis and life struggle. Currently, a resident of Wales, Grace loves reading, gardening and early mornings. She firmly believes that life is meant to be celebrated, and has made it her mission to help others do just that …joyfully and on their own terms. You can follow Grace on Twitter.

Image courtesy of Wes Hicks.

The post Living Well with Fatigue appeared first on Positively Positive.

We are in interesting times…Times where we often hear or believe that people have become too sensitive, taking offense to “every little thing.” Times where we often hear or believe that it’s good that we’re finally becoming more sensitive, recognizing the damage of perpetuating and propagating stereotypes and reinforcing “norms”.

If your Facebook feed looks anything like mine, there are many conversations happening about racial injustice, gender inequality, the nature of true freedom, the dance of speaking boldly while listening deeply, what kind of changes we want to see in our world, and of course…politics.

These conversations can take on a polarizing nature, calling forth people’s shame, conscious and unconscious biases, fear, anger, pain, and passion.

These conversations can spark division, and yet something is rising in the collective and it seems these conversations need to happen. Furthermore, they are happening.

In the face of this polarization, it can feel scary to voice our perspectives on any topic:

…what if someone challenges us and we don’t know what to say?

…what if we lose rapport because people don’t agree?

…what if we offend people, unintentionally?

…what if we’re judged for being shallow, insincere, insensitive, or inarticulate?

…what if our perspectives are actually contributing to the problem?

We may even find it difficult to share our beliefs because they’re shifting by the day, dissolving again and again into the chrysalis of uncertainty.

So, how do we take a clear stand?

As we navigate these times, it’s critical that we continue to voice our inspired ideas and deepest truths, while being open to shifting our perspectives, and willing to articulate those changes in perspective.

• Shutting down and tuning-out when confronted by shame, confusion, or resistance remove our important voices from important conversations (and yes, even our questions are a valuable contribution).
• Ignoring the aspects of our work or messaging that feel misaligned stunts (even harms) individual growth or collective progress.
• Shutting out the perspectives of others that don’t match ours limits our ability to understand, empathize, and ultimately come together (and often signals a deeper fragility or rigidity within ourselves).
• Avoiding or shutting down pain and anger within ourselves and others is antithetical to leading with love and compassion and prevents us from healing.
• Being willing to shift our [often deeply held] perspectives, even if it means facing periods of painful uncertainty, is a sign of true leadership.
• Acknowledging our changes in perspective and apologizing for ways we may have caused harm does not translate to “being hard on ourselves” or “revealing weakness”.

Leadership isn’t about knowing everything or always hitting the mark. On the contrary, it’s about standing for something we care about, and allowing the journey of taking that stand to shape us. @AskNisha (Click to Tweet!)

We share.

We listen.

We shape and reshape our views.

We deepen.

We share.

Leadership requires courage, curiosity, humility, receptivity, and a commitment to true, deep alignment.

In light of my commitment to leading with these values…

…To the woman I was in dialogue with on Facebook years ago, who felt excluded by my definition and use of the word “feminine”…

…To my friend whose husband emailed me and asked, “But what about mothers? How can they achieve mental clarity without space in their mornings?”…

…To any trans women who have felt excluded by my invitations into sisterhood, because of any ways it may have appeared that my work only welcomes cis women…

I’m sorry for any and all the ways that I’ve ever been insensitive.

I’m sorry for not including you, clearly, explicitly.

You are welcome here, always.

Thank you for being my teachers.

In the comments below, I’d love to hear how these times are impacting your voice and self-expression. Are you finding it challenging? Inspiring? I’d love to hear from you.

Nisha Moodley is a Women’s Leadership Coach and the creator of Fierce Fabulous Free, The Freedom Mastermind & The Virtual Sisterhood. Inspired by the belief that the world will be set free by women who are free & sisterhood is key to a woman’s freedom, Nisha creates communities of ambitious women to support them in redesigning their lives & businesses. Find her online at NishaMoodley.com and download her free Take Flight Action Guide to explore the next expansion of your freedom at TakeFlightActionGuide.com. You can follow Nisha on Twitter or FB.

Image courtesy of ROBIN WORRALL.

The post Sharing Your Perspectives in Polarizing Times appeared first on Positively Positive.

I was thrown out of graduate school because I thought women would only like me if I published a novel.

So every day, starting in 1990, I wrote 3,000 words a day. I’d go up to girls in bars and ask if I could read to them. 100% of them would say no. Or laugh in my face.

I sucked.

29 years later I don’t miss a day of writing. Which is a shame because that’s a lot of time I could have spent with my kids, my ex-wives, my parents, my friends.

I was delusional and I was mostly a loser. I got 1000s of rejection letters and still do. But I’ve also published 21 books (starting after 13 years of writing), some bestsellers.

Today I’m trying to improve more than ever. The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.

I suck more than ever.

And during that time, many people gave me advice.

A) DON’T HIT PUBLISH UNLESS YOU ARE AFRAID

If you are not afraid of what you are about to produce in the world, then chances are it’s been said or written before.

When you take chances, even if they don’t work out, you are starting to build your real voice.

B) EVERYTHING IS CONTENT

In 2001, I lost all of my money. In 2008, I lost all of my money. In 2004. In 2012.

In 1993, I visited a friend of mine in jail. In 1995 I started a company and hated it. In 1999, I started another one and lost everyone’s money, including one of my investors, a young man named Yasser Arafat.

In 2005, Bernie Madoff rejected a business idea of mine.

Last week, I eloped.

In 2003, I was obsessively trying to figure out how to kill myself without hurting myself after I got a letter from the IRS saying I hadn’t paid taxes in 17 years and now they wanted to meet me.

Yesterday, I bought a suitcase filled with Iraqi dinars from 2000 with Saddam Hussein’s face on them, that was smuggled out of Iraq in 2007.

In 1989, I blacked out drunk on the sidewalk in the middle of the night and woke up to someone peeing on me.

In 2008, I blacked out in an intersection in New York City with oncoming traffic in the middle of the night while it was raining.

In 2015, I was heckled while doing standup comedy and making too many obscene jokes about my mother, sex, my kids, and Auschwitz.

In 2004, my dad had a stroke after I had hung up on him six months earlier and refused all his calls until then. He died without me ever speaking to him again.

You have to live life to write about life.

C) TELL A STORY

Victor Frankl was taken by the Nazis to Auschwitz. His wife, his parents, his siblings were taken to different concentration camps and every day he wondered what was happening to them.

He used to stare at the fence enclosing the camp, imagining he saw his wife on the other side. This kept him going each day. The hope that he would see his wife again.

He would see other prisoners so despondent, they were either going to kill themselves or get killed.

He would whisper in their ears, giving them reasons to find some meaning in their lives so they would have hope for another day.

Eventually he got out of the concentration camps. He never saw his wife again. Or his parents. They had all been killed by the Nazis.

But he wrote about the importance of finding meaning in life.

He didn’t write advice: “Find meaning in life!”

In Man’s Search for Meaning, he told his story of being in the concentration camps and how his personal search for meaning kept him alive. Kept other prisoners alive.

The book is riveting. Or, I should say, the first half is because that is where he tells his story. The second half, his theory of “logotherapy,” is so boring I stopped reading.

He told his story and that’s how he made his point.

Every time you want to rant, or pontificate, think of a story to tell first. The more personal, the better.

D) THE JESUS EFFECT

Jesus was preaching all around Israel and gaining followers. But when he went to his hometown of Nazareth, they all laughed. “You are just the carpenter’s son!”

He had to leave town.

Don’t take it personally.

When you start doing something, you suck, and everyone around you knows it. They are all laughing at you.

In modern life, if you grow your skills at a job, you often have to switch jobs in order to get the salary you deserve. Everyone knows you as “the mailroom guy” or however you started.

Do not bother with the people who laugh. After even ONE YEAR of improving at anything, you are 99% better than the rest of the world at that activity.

Keep improving, but replace the people who are rejecting you.

E) SUCCESS = SKILL + PERSISTENCE + PRIOR SUCCESS

Anne Rice was suicidal after her first book wasn’t published. Then her five-year-old daughter died of leukemia and she became even more depressed.

But leukemia made her think of diseases of the blood (“everything is content”). Within five weeks she wrote Interview with a Vampire.

It got rejected by many publishers. Then she got a small advance and it was published.

She had the skill and she learned the additional skill of persistence (not an easy skill).

Then after it became a bestseller, it was not skill that got her her next major book deals or movie deals — it was the success of her first book.

Skill alone will not get you success.

FOCUSING ON PROCESS: building skill, building persistence, notching up small successes that will lead to bigger ones, will get you bigger successes.

If you focus on outcomes, you’ll fail. Anne Rice only failed when she focused too much on that first rejection.

ONLY focus on process.

F) TAKE OUT THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AND THE LAST PARAGRAPH

Even knowing this rule, it will work. Write your piece. Then take out the first paragraph and last paragraph. I will guarantee you the piece is better.

G) OBVIOUS STUFF: READ EVERY DAY. WRITE EVERY DAY.

I cheated. I’d pretend to work all day but I took an easy job so I only had to work 15 minutes a week (software).

Then I would lock the door and read all day.

Read only stuff you LOVE. Then you will start to emulate those writers. They will be your virtual mentors.

At the time I read books by Denis Johnson, Charles Bukowski, Hemingway, Lorrie Moore, Mary Gaitskill, Tama Janowitz, Margaret Atwood, and hundreds more.

Then I would write 3,000 words a day.

You have to learn to put two words together. This is hard and you can only do it with practice.

It’s like a sport. Michael Jordan was shooting 1,000 baskets a day before 9 in the morning. If you are a beginner, practice. If you are the best in the world, practice.

H) ARC OF THE HERO

I was thrown out of graduate school and had no money or job prospects. All of my writing was getting rejected.

1000s of rejections but I met more and more writers.

First I was writing articles, then books. Then bestselling books.

Each step of the way, the more chances I took, the more people hated me. Articles and reviews constantly trashed me. Sometimes I felt really hurt by this. I can’t help it.

Then I found other outlets for my writing. My podcasts gave me content. Public speaking was a way to improve my writing. Even performing standup comedy improved my writing.

I don’t know if I’m giving good writing advice but this is what I experienced in the past 30 years.

I always ask myself: Am I the hero of my story?

Or did I give up? Did I quit? And I’m just a minor character in someone else’s story.

This is the arc of the hero. The hero’s journey:

• Go from the ORDINARY WORLD to the EXTRAORDINARY. I was thrown out of grad school to try for something extraordinary in my life.
• Find your mentors and your colleagues who will grow with you. I moved to NYC to work at HBO and met a whole new world of creatives.
• You have bigger and bigger problems. First I got small pieces published at HBO. Then I got paid for articles. Then I got paid for books. Then I switched categories and had even greater success.
• Fight the biggest battle of all. For me, the people who seem to hate me for no reason. This is a tough battle. Also, the gatekeepers, the people who will say no to me. I always try to figure my way around them (self-publish, publish for other journals, publish a newsletter to subscribers, write a screenplay to get more known, etc).
• Return home with the knowledge (e.g. writing this answer).

And then… REPEAT… because the hero’s journey should never end.

Every book, every article, even every paragraph should have the skeleton of the arc of the hero in it.

I) SURPRISE, VULNERABILITY, F-K SCORE

I combine these three for no real reason.

In Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel Black Orchid, the hero is trapped by the evil villain in the first page. He aims a gun at her.

At this point, EVERY READER expected her to escape.

I mean, the book is named after her! She has to escape. Right?

The villain shoots and kills her. In the first two pages.

This blew my mind. This kept me reading. Always do something to keep someone reading the next sentence.

Vulnerability. Don’t be afraid to make yourself look bad. My most popular articles were about how I lost all my money, and all of everyone else’s money (including Yasser Arafat) in 2000.

Or how I lost relationships by being a jerk. Or how I was heckled for telling obscene jokes one night at standup comedy.

F-K Score. Google that. It’s the grade level you are writing at.

NEVER write above a 6th grade level. Hemingway’s Old Man and the Sea, one of the greatest written books ever, was written at a fourth grade level.

J) NEVER USE ONE EXTRA WORD

After I write an article, or a chapter, I make sure I cut at least 30% out.

K) TAKE A SHIT BEFORE YOU WRITE.

Clear the body, clear the brain.

James Altucher is the author of the bestselling book Choose Yourself, editor at The Altucher Report and host of the popular podcast, The James Altucher Show, which takes you beyond business and entrepreneurship by exploring what it means to be human and achieve well-being in a world that is increasingly complicated. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

Image courtesy of Patrick Fore.

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The problem with a lot of prediction and manifestation techniques is that we tend to forget that other humans are involved in our manifesting. And we can’t control other humans—as much as we would love to. Other humans = variables and complications and heaps of crazy free will.

For instance, that Soul Mate you have your eye on, they actually have their own life plans. (I know babe, their life would be SO much better if you were in it. I know.) And that big gig you’re gunning for, well there’s a cadre of players and circumstances involved—circumstances that are so out of your control.

We live in a material world that’s just a grain of the universe.

A FEW PRINCIPLES FOR PREDICTING & MANIFESTING.
(And yes, they are paradoxical.)

1. Free will.
You can’t control much outside of yourself. And it doesn’t matter if three psychics said that you and So n’ So were SO going to get it ON this summer. You can’t out-will someone’s free will. (Unless you’re an evil dictator, but we’re talking about ethical dream-realization.)

2. Anything is possible.
Anything. You could get discovered in an elevator. Your twin flame could find you in a cabin in the middle of Alaska during a snowstorm. The admissions officer could play golf with your dad. Miracles happen ALL the time—crazy intersections and cosmic conspirations that bring it all together just for you and right on time. Believe.

3. The future can be seen and felt.
External psychic input can be extremely valuable for navigating—I have oracles and mediums I call on often. Just like the lady empath Troy on Star Trek, I think organizations should have a refined clairvoyant on their staff.

As for time predictions from clairvoyants, astral time is not the same as Earth time. So at best, timing forecasts are 50/50. Also… the channeller affects the message. Every medium puts their fingerprint on what they deliver to you. That can be good, bad, or neutral. It’s just something to be aware of.

We can often sense what’s coming—we just act like we can’t. Either way, keep in mind Principles #1 and #2.

4. You have multiple possible futures—each of which could be equally incredible.
10,000 Soul mates. 900 once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. 340 winning tickets. Infinite big breaks. Meditate on multiple pleasurable outcomes and you will loosen your grip on things being exactly how you “think” you want them to be.

5. “Hasn’t happened yet” means just that—not YET.
Because something hasn’t occurred in our desired timeframe, doesn’t mean that it’s never going to happen.

6. The universe has a way better imagination than you do.
My life has no resemblance to what I thought it was going to be—and I’m impressed with where failure, and courage, and the mystery have brought me. More colourful. More expanded. Way deeper. Way better than I imagined.

7. Things change—YOU change.
What you and your astrologer predict for you today could be on target. But you could do something tomorrow to alter that course or create a wrinkle in time. Changing.

8. Pre-determinism is total bullshit. FREE WILL REIGNS SUPREME.

9. Life really is what you make it. Live full out today. It’s from here that the future unfolds.

Live full out,

Danielle

Danielle LaPorte is an invited member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100, a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.” She is author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path—from one seeker to another. The Fire Starter Sessions, and The Desire Map: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul—the book that has been translated into 8 languages, evolved into a yearly day planner system, a top 10 iTunes app, and an international workshop program with licensed facilitators in 15 countries. Named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, millions of visitors go to DanielleLaPorte.com every month for her daily #Truthbombs and what’s been called “the best place online for kickass spirituality.” A speaker, a poet, a painter, and a former business strategist and Washington-DC think tank exec, Entrepreneur Magazine calls Danielle, “equal parts poet and entrepreneurial badass…edgy, contrarian…loving and inspired.” Her charities of choice are Eve Ensler’s VDay: a global movement to end violence against women and girls, and charity: water, setting out to bring safe drinking water to everyone in the world. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her favourite philosopher, her son. You can find her @daniellelaporte and just about everywhere on social media.

The post The Problem with Manifestation Techniques and What That Psychic Told You. (Plus 9 Principles for Predicting and Manifesting.) appeared first on Positively Positive.

Every moment of every day, we make decisions. Sometimes those decisions are small and inconsequential, and sometimes those decisions are life-altering. In the end, though, the outcome of your day, your year, and your entire life are mostly defined by the sum of decision making and the actions that you take along the way.

There’s power in making a decision – even when you’re not completely sure that it’s the right one. I promise you that once you realize the incredible impact that making decisions can have, you can truly begin to live your best life. @JackCanfield (Click to Tweet!)

Decisions can be powerful, but they aren’t always easy…

To a degree, almost all of us suffer from decision paralysis at some point in time. Realizing the impact that your decisions can have is often frightening.

After all, if a decision is important enough to change your life, it’s understandable that you’d want to be sure to get it right.

The problem is that many people have a “deer in the headlights” moment when faced with decisions. Afraid of making the wrong decision, they end up not making a decision at all. However, not making a decision is a decision in and of itself – and it’s almost always the wrong one.

The inability to make a decision can leave you frozen in place when changes are necessary. It can also wreak havoc on your confidence, your happiness, and your overall emotional well-being.

Faced with the problem of decision paralysis, it’s essential to realize that – in almost every case – any decision is going to be better than no decision at all.

If you can push past the fear and doubts associated with making decisions, you can start taking control of your life’s outcomes.

Make Decisions Quickly

One of the best ways to eliminate decision paralysis is to make decisions quickly. In fact, many of the world’s most successful innovators and leaders owe much of their success to their ability to make decisions quickly.

When you make decisions quickly, you leave no room for doubt, worry, and confusion. Instead of wasting time worrying about all of the possibilities and trying to endlessly analyze every potential outcome, making a quick decision enables you to immediately begin devoting your efforts to following through on that decision.

If you truly commit to a decision, you’ll find that following through on it is much easier than you might have thought.

The Law of Attraction dictates that you will be able to manifest what you need to follow through on any decision once you have fully committed yourself to it.

Only by making decisions quickly, though, can you fully commit to them right out of the gate without letting doubt and worry kill your decision slowly over time.

Thankfully, making decisions quickly doesn’t have to be difficult. No matter what decision you might be faced with, the only thing you have to determine is whether or not this is something you want or need and whether or not it is worth committing your time to.

If the answer to both of those questions is yes, you have everything you need to make a decision right away. Any other questions or concerns that you might have will answer themselves along the way if you are committed to making your decision a reality.

Use the Rule of 5

Once you have made a decision, the next step is to bring that decision to fruition. It’s not enough to simply make a decision and hope for the best. A decision is only fully made when you dedicate your efforts to it.

The Rule of 5 is a great place to begin to help follow through on your decision. Following the Rule of 5 means doing five things every day that will bring you closer to your goal. Let’s say, for example, that you decide to start your own business. After you’ve made that decision, you should commit to doing five things each day that will help you get your business up and running. They don’t have to be monumental tasks. Major goals are accomplished one small step at a time, which is why the Rule of 5 is so effective.

Recruiting an accountability partner is another great way to further commit to your decision. It’s not easy to back out of a decision when you have someone that you respect and trust pushing you forward and holding you accountable.

Visualize Your Goals Daily

Picture, in your mind, what your life will be like and how you will feel once you’ve accomplished it. Visualizing your goal in this manner will serve as a powerful motivator by giving you a sense of the benefits before the goal is accomplished.

If you take steps such as these to commit to a decision and motivate yourself to follow through, you can set yourself up for success after any decision you make.

Have you ever been paralyzed to make a decision, and then decided to leap forward to success? 

As the beloved originator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul^® series, Jack Canfield fostered the emergence of inspirational anthologies as a genre—and watched it grow to a billion dollar market. As the driving force behind the development and delivery of over 100 million books sold through the Chicken Soup for the Soul^® franchise, Jack Canfield is uniquely qualified to talk about success. Jack is America’s #1 Success Coach and wrote the life-changing book The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be and Jack speaks around the world on this subject. Check out his newest book The 30-Day Sobriety Solution: How to Cut Back or Quit Drinking in the Privacy of Your Own Home. Follow Jack at www.jackcanfield.com and sign up for his free resources today!

Image courtesy of Pietro Tebaldi.

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I am going to start with transcending one of the most repeated lies and that is that you can figure your purpose out.

No, you can’t. Period.

I have suffered over this “advice” for long enough to be able to see clearly now that it simply is not true. You can only know your purpose and if this knowing is real, it won´t come from your mind or you analyzing it. It is going to come in a form of gentle love that is going to feel like happiness, like being connected to who you really are, and like finally coming home. All of these feelings are going to emanate from the center of your being, which I tend to call your heart.

If you haven’t felt these feelings before or you have felt them while doing things you think have nothing to do with your purpose or while not doing anything at all, just keep reading on with an open mind. Maybe the purpose you have been looking for isn´t what you supposed it should be.

I have this suspicion that we don´t have to find our purpose at all, but that our purpose is going to find us.

1. Be wherever you are with all your heart

Half-hearted living is the cause of our disconnection and confusion. Wishing to be someplace else is what is keeping us from receiving the guidance now and now and now and… I think you know where I am going with this one.

I, myself, am having a hard time with realizing that wherever I am, there is a field of infinite possibilities surrounding me and that the outer circumstances are the effects of my inner state of being.

Your purpose is to be connected to your heart and, thus, to express your real Self no matter where you are or what you do.

There is no place holier than the one you are in right now, because it is your presence that makes every place blessed.

However, wholeheartedness has to be practiced, because it goes against everything that the world has been teaching us so far. It is a way of living our life from an inner state when our mind is connected to our heart and we are functioning as a whole. We are no longer being torn between what our heart calls us to do and what our mind is telling us we should be doing instead. 

Living from our heart, even though it is the most natural way of being, has to be practiced, because it represents all that is in opposition to the values of the world.

Once you embark on this journey, remember that love will never force you to do anything; it is always here for you and you just need to lay down everything that gets in the way of receiving her gifts.

Let’s practice together – for a week only – to be fully present and available for every situation and every person that comes our way.

Let´s treat them as a gift from life to us and as if we were born to meet every single one of them and experience everything we are about to experience. Let’s treat this week as if it was impossible for mistakes to happen in our life and as if we were right where we are supposed to be.

Let’s allow for our purpose to come with every human being and with every situation and every relationship.

And let’s see what happens.

2. Your path is yours only

If you want to stay on the track of your inner wisdom and knowing you will have to make peace with the fact that majority of the people you know won’t get what your path is about.

And you also have to make peace with the fact that you don’t need anyone else´s acknowledgment except the one you feel in your heart.

That one is the most important.

You don’t have to tell everyone and sometimes – most of the time – when you feel that the ideas that are being born inside of you are too fragile to survive the criticism of the others, you better tell no one, because you can be sure that your own insecurities are going to come back to you in the form of the words your closest ones are going to speak to you.

So let your purpose be something that is only between you and God, at least for a little while, until you become more accustomed to acting on your inner knowing.

This means that you have to stop comparing your path to everyone else’s path.

No one person is special. We are all equally worthy and equally loved and we are not lacking anything that would keep us from realizing who we are here in this time and space.

However, we are all unique expressions of divine love. That makes us all beautiful colors in the painting of love. This painting wouldn’t be finished even if only one color was missing and the form which the color is going to embody on the canvas depends on the artist not the color itself.

So just shine your light brightly and trust that when the painting is finished you will see the beauty in the brush strokes and you will understand their positioning in the painting as a whole.

This week we are also going to practice staying on our path and not judging or condemning it.

So, let’s live this week as if we had a right to be who we are in our hearts and let’s allow everyone else to claim this right as well. And for the following week only, let’s share our hopes and dreams and heart’s vision with the God of our understanding and with no one else.

And let´s see what happens.

3. You don’t have to overcome fear, instead allow the joy to flow through you and let the fear disappear

If there is something you would like to learn or that you would love to do, but you are afraid of failing, try to do it in such a way that you won´t give your fears a chance to talk you out of it.

For instance, if you would like to teach a yoga class, you don’t have to rent a whole yoga studio, but instead call few friends and organize a free class in your living room.

If you would like to be a painter, you don’t have to quit your current job all of a sudden and try to live off your artwork. Just go and paint during every free minute you have for yourself.

When you do something for the joy of doing it, you won´t mind that it may take you a whole year to finish your first painting, it will be still worth it.

The truth is that when you do something, just because it makes your heart sing, you don’t need a validation and you don’t need anything in return.

You do it because that is who you are and not doing it would feel like you are stealing something from the world, but most importantly that you are stealing from yourself by not allowing the universe to express itself through the unique perspective that was given only to you.

When you will feel like this one day and it can happen while you are vacuuming the floor, decorating your house, writing a book, raising your child or working on an excel sheet, you will have most likely found your purpose. Maybe the one and only for the rest of your life or maybe just one out of many.

That is not important at all.

What is important is that you are feeling alive, joyful and in love with who you are and with what you do. Form is important only for the mind; your heart is satisfied with serving love in whatever form it wishes to be expressed.

The third and last practice for this week is to make space for joy, even if for only a few minutes every day and let´s also practice not feeling guilty about it.

Let´s practice how it feels to do things that makes us joyful and let’s live as if we didn’t have to listen to the fear at all.

Let´s do small things that allow us to receive great joy.

And let´s see what happens.

With my final words I would like to liberate you once and for all from giving yourself hard time for being happy. In order to receive your purpose you have to stop feeling guilty every time you experience feelings of joy, love and happiness.

We are constantly hearing this pervasive lie that in order to achieve something worthwhile we have to suffer in the process of getting it and that once we have finally achieved it, we must have stolen it from someone else.

You are yourself when you are experiencing joy and love and lightness of being.

There is no way you can be selfish and in love with life at the same time. There is no way you can be joyful and deprive someone else of their right to joy.

You are at your best when you are you, when you are happy and when you are in love with your Self.

It is when you allow yourself to let the love flow from your being towards whatever you do and towards whomever you come in contact with, that you are at your best.

So as you go on with your day remember that you are not depriving anyone of anything by being happy, loving what you do and not suffering while doing it.

Being in your purpose is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and others. And you can be in your purpose only by being yourself. – Eva Stechova (Click to Tweet!)

I am grateful for you and everything you are being in this world.

Eva Stechova created her blog AMIRACLEWORKBOOK to share inspiration, upliftment and meaningful content. She believes that by intentionally choosing to be who we truly are in our hearts – kind and loving beings – we can create the lives we have always wanted to live. She shares her content on Pinterest and Instagram as well.

Image courtesy of kevin laminto.

The post We Don’t Have to Find Our Purpose: Our Purpose Is Going to Find Us appeared first on Positively Positive.

It was a little before 7 AM on Saturday morning when Alex sat down in his living room with his first cup of coffee. He was up a little bit earlier than usual because a strange noise had awakened him from his sleep. So, when he looked out of his bedroom, he wasn’t too surprised to discover the source of the disturbance was his neighbor Sam, who lived just across the street. Sam was dragging several folding tables out of his garage, and arranging them on the front lawn. From the look of things, including a couple of stacks of cardboard boxes, it appeared that Sam was setting the stage for a household rummage sale.

Partly out of curiosity, and partly out of irritation – wanting to see why on earth Sam felt the need to get such an early start – Alex threw his robe over his PJs and walked over to where Sam was arranging the things he intended to sell. As he made his way across the street, he could see his breath forming mini-clouds in the air. It was late spring, but there was a chill still rolling off the snow-capped mountains that surrounded their valley homes.

“Good morning, Sam,” said Alex. “My, but aren’t you out here bright and early!”

Apparently Sam didn’t hear the hint of sarcasm in Alex’s voice; either that, or he just didn’t care…which irritated Alex a little bit more.

“Good morning, to you,” said Sam, wearing a warm smile on his face. “Looks to be a nice day, doesn’t it?”

But now it was Alex who didn’t hear what Sam had said, because his attention was captured by something he never thought he would see for sale, let alone in a front yard rummage sale. It was Sam’s set of favorite paintings that had taken a great many years to collect. But there, spread out over several tables sat about a dozen different signed renditions of the Rocky Mountains. Each one featured a different scene, highlighting the natural majesty that surrounded the valley where they lived. A famous naturalist had painted them all, and they were highly collectable.

Alex was stunned. Several thoughts raced through his mind at the same time: Why would Sam want to sell what had to be one of his most prized possessions? Could he be in some kind of financial trouble? Was he ill?

The next moment, before he even knew that his mouth had formulated the words, Alex blurted out:

“I’m not prying, but what’s going on, man?” And then, pointing directly at the set of tables where Sam had carefully displayed the art, he continued to ask, “Why on earth are you selling your collection of favorite paintings?”

“Oh, that?” Sam replied, laughing a little, as if it was nothing. “I really don’t have a choice…”

Alex took a deep breath, and said, “Geez, man, can you use a little extra cash, you know, to tide you and the family over…until things get better?”

Realizing now that his friend had misunderstood the situation, Sam set down the dishes he was arranging on the table. “I guess I wasn’t as clear as I should have been. What I really meant when I said ‘I don’t have a choice’ is that I want to sell it.”

Looking at Alex’s reaction, and seeing that he still didn’t understand what was going on, Sam continued.

“Look, it’s simple: I’m selling my set of paintings because I need to make space in my living room for something a lot more valuable to me.”

Still confused, Alex asked, “What are you talking about, Sam?”

“Just come with me into the house for a moment, OK? Let me show you something that should make the whole thing clear.”

A moment later, Sam and Alex stood before the now bare south wall of the living room where Sam’s collection of art had been hanging only hours ago. But, before he had a chance to explain his plan, Alex asked him:

“OK, I get it. You’re going to hang something else on this wall. But what could you possibly put here that would give you as much pleasure as the paintings you just took down?”

Sam answered Alex with a question of his own: “Do you know what’s on the other side this wall?”

Not at all sure what was being asked of him, Alex shook his head, as if to say, “Why no, Sam…no, I don’t.”

With that, Sam turned toward the wall, his eyes wide and full of expectation. He stood there for a moment, almost as if he was looking past it, taking in a sight only he could see.

“Yes, you do, Alex. Just think for a moment.”

“See what…what are you talking about, Sam?”

“The Rocky Mountains, man, as far as the eye can see! That’s what’s on the other side of this wall.”

“I…I still don’t get it.”

“I’m going to remove most of this whole wall…and replace it with one giant picture window. Now do you understand why I’m selling my collection? I want to raise some money for the renovation.”

“Wow…seems like a lot to go through, let alone what you have to give up, don’t you think?”

“Maybe, but you know the old saying: ‘There’s only one way to make room for what’s new, and that’s out with the old.’ Right?”

“Well, I suppose so…”

“No doubt about it. Besides, ask yourself this question: which would you rather wake up to look at every day? Some old paintings of the Rockies from days long gone by, or…a view of the real majesty itself?”

Alex looked back at Sam, and smiled: “Yeah…OK. Now I get it.”

In this simple story is hidden a deep message that, in one form or another, is found in every true teaching about love as it affects our ability to have, enjoy, and enrich all of our relationships, but especially when it comes to the one we love.

Simply put: Before any order of a new or higher love can enter into our heart, we must make room for it by “selling” – deliberately giving up – something that we once held as being of value to us. This is one of the great, unseen laws of Higher Love.

Excerpted from Relationship Magic: Waking Up Together by Guy Finley. ©2018 Guy Finley Used by permission from Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd. 

Guy Finley is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and bestselling self-help author. He is the Founder and Director of Life of Learning Foundation, a nonprofit center for transcendent self-study located in Merlin, Oregon. He also hosts the Foundation’s Wisdom School — an on-line self-discovery program for seekers of higher self-knowledge. He is the best-selling author of The Secret of Letting Go and 45 other books and audio programs that have sold over 2 million copies, in 26 languages, worldwide.  Guy’s latest book Relationship Magic: Waking Up Together applies decades of spiritual wisdom to practical relationship challenges, transforming any relationship from mundane to magical! 

Image courtesy of Scott Broome.

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